Why I *LOVE* Valentine's Day (Snark Alert)

Valentine's is like Christmas; it's fun when you're a kid but gets progressively more obnoxious as you get older.

Back in my time at Mohawk Elementary School on Mimosa Rd. in Richardson, TX, we had class parties given by the homeroom moms. I always wished that my mom was a homeroom mom, but then I learned that the general requirements for such a task included 1) not being employed, 2) being savvy with a hot glue gun, and 3) the ability to obsess over anything and everything unimportant. My mom did not qualify on any accounts. Except maybe 3. (Just kidding, kind of)

But anyway, the parties were great fun. We decorated bags with pink and red doily hearts and red foil heart stickers (the kind you had to lick like stamps). We played Valentine bingo with red, white, and pink m&ms and drank Cherry 7up. Everyone brought those little tear-apart Valentines taped with an assortment of candies and other treats of ADD wonder. I know the teachers were thrilled. There was everything from Barbie, CareBears, Babysitter's Club, and Raven Simone for the girls to Transformers, Power Rangers, and X-Men for the boys. Everyone got a Valentine in their newly decorated "mailbox". EVERYONE. It was amazing. Sure, the popular kids generally had a fuller bag, but still, all were included.

Flash forward to the year 2001. I'm a seventh grader in Mrs. Karmann's Pre-AP English class, which is currently full of eighth grade cheerleaders huddled around her desk giggling, because she is the cheer sponsor. The bell rings and they eventually leave after she has written all of them "late passes"- God knows what excuse she gave- and we begin class. We are briefly interrupted for the most anticipated part of the day: in comes Rob Cockrell who is working as an office aide, but no one really cares about Rob (okay, some do- he was one of the popular ones), what everyone really cares about is the giant bundle of carnations he is holding. Valentines Day at North Jr. High = sending carnations to your friends/crushes/whoever to be delivered during 2nd period with whatever message you write in giant, swirly handwriting. The messages had to be approved though. They cost $1 each but were practically invaluable on your climb up the social ladder. All day long, you were judged by how many of those wilting, battered flowers you toted around. I never got one from a guy during my 3 year tenure there, but was always hopeful that the hottest pre-pubescent football player on the team would take notice and proclaim his undying love for me. Glad that never happened- I hear kissing with braces really sucks. The flowers were slightly lame, but were fun in their day.There was also the Valentine's Day dance but I'll save that for my anthropological examination of middle school dancing customs.

High school. People actually start "for real" dating in high school, because everyone can finally drive and has access to an alternate dimension for making-out. It's called a car. You feel like it's the end of the world because everyone is dating someone except for you, and you just know that they are all going to get married. Right.

**Later edit: my senior year of high school, my favorite guinea pig Dudley died on Valentine's Day. The same night, I decided to dye my hair and the gloves broke and I wound up dying my hands as well. They were leprous-looking for a week. How romantic.

College. Same as high school except the alternate universe for making-out is called the dorm room. The dorm is also the place for slightly drunk girls to divulge all of the dirty details regarding their Valentine's night to their girlfriends while laying halfway on and off a futon, hiccuping.

And so now we're here. 2011. All I have heard all day on the radio is "call in and tell us why your Valentine is so special," followed by some schmaltzy love song that makes you want to spit. On facebook it's "spending the evening with my Valentine of XYZ years and he/she's amazing!" even though you know all about that knock-down,, drag-out fight that happened at 11:59 the night before. It is tempting to say "Dang it, why not meeeee????" because that is exactly what you are supposed to think of on Valentine's Day as a single woman over 22. And the goofuses over at KLTY occasionally will say "Now, if you're single, know that God loves you today." Gee, thanks. I had no idea.

So yeah, I just *love* Valentine's Day. It's just great. In a world where we are called to be wonderfully independent, free-thinking, and strong women, it's nice to know that one day a year, I can always count on being an emotional, pissed-off, mess. I do love the Necco sweethearts though.
XOXOXO Later, K