Church Hopping

A book I just started reading.

 

Well, one of my favorite things about being a church musician is that occasionally, I get to be denominationally promiscuous. This morning, the chancel choir was at ACDA in Chicago and we had a gospel quartet at both sanctuary services, and the kids were not rehearsing, so I took advantage of this free morning. I went to an unnamed Baptist church in the Dallas area (SBC, not cooperative, though somehow I thought they were CBF) followed by Munger Place (a satellite church of HPUMC's Cornerstone service). I will save my anthropological analysis of Munger- I did love it, no worries, and was surprised and humbled because I was expecting to not like it at all.

Now, shall we...

Two of the most difficult decisions of the morning: what to wear and what biblical translation to take? These are crucial decisions. I had no desire to stick out, to be branded as "the unchurched," because, you see, as a former Baptist, I could spot the "unchurched" instantly. They were incorrectly dressed and either didn't bring the Good Word with them or *gasp* had the wrong translation (or were raging liberals in which case they were not only "unchurched" but "unsaved") I went with the NIV but was torn between that and the Message. I really don't like the Message but have kept it for my Bible classes in case I need an example of horrible translations for a paper. I wore my nice black pants, conservative black pumps, and a high-neck lavender blouse, and of course my obnoxiously large cross of St. Cecilia.

I got to the church and was greeted by three people at the door. It is a moderately large church so they really had no idea if I was a visitor or not, but were very kind. I got there early to attend a singles coffee/Bible hour that I saw on their website. The people were nice enough but the guy leading it was reminiscent of a bitter seminary grad who couldn't get ordained or get a decent calling (Baptists are "called," much like the Presbys). He was pretty much a jerk, but I tried to get past that. He spoke on Christ's (really Paul's) commands to the single Christian. Nothing new or exciting just the same old "if you are still single, then you are obviously living in sin, or you just don't want to get married... but it's probably the former" schmuck. Honey, I got news for you, unless somebody died and made you God, you will always be living in sin. And you are single, if I am not mistaken. Nuff said. Coffee hour ended with a prayer circle around a couple who met in the department and were getting married, thus, no longer allowed to singles coffee/Bible hour. Everyone cried. I felt tempted but got a grip on reality and realized how the burnt coffee was making my stomach churn. I cried about that instead.

As I was leaving to go upstairs, a tall gentleman from the group, probably mid 30s, stopped me and creepily extended his hand and greeted me with the much-feared "limp handshake." I smiled and lied "Oh, I am just in town for the weekend, thought I would check this place out." Then he asked the question, "what do you do?" Searching for an answer that would satisfy him (and not answer him with what I REALLY do), I told him that I was an elementary school music teacher. He seemed pleased with that answer and offered me a seat next to him in the service. I thanked him, backing away slowly as his 6' 4" figure imposingly lerched over me in a weird "I'm gonna make a wife out of you" sort of way. "I have some friends waiting upstairs! Thanks though!" I ran into the women's room where I hid for the next 15 minutes.


The service was interesting. I crept into the balcony and was much relieved to see "Paul Bunyan" sitting on the first level with the rest of the singles, college kids, and youth. I was grateful that I knew most of the songs courtesy of the Gaithers and Selah, and even a Dave Crowder chorus! Yippee! One thing that I miss in the fiber of mainline protestant churches is how Baptist music ministers really interact with the congregation. They talk to them, pray with them, welcome them, and act as the glue that binds the whole thing together. This gentleman was really quite good at that, though I am almost positive that if his teeth got any whiter, I would have gone blind.

The pastor was enthusiastic, I will give him that. I grew concerned that he was going to throw his Bible at one point because he kept flinging his arm out to the side to emphatically make a point. Rotator-cuff surgery is in his future, for sure. I was excited for the sermon as the series was "Bring forth the Kingdom of God" and all I could think of was that Marty Haugen song (sample here). The sermon was essentially "why [Book name] [chapter] : [verse] says you should vote republican... er... for God's will!" I am not a raging liberal (not really even a liberal) but had completely forgotten about the compulsive nature of elephants to appear in the conservative evangelical worship space. Here, elephants in the room are good things. I am not used to that and it threw me for a minute. I started think-singing "the kingdom of God is justice and peace..." in my head, wondering to myself if I was really this obnoxious a mere 5 years ago. The end culminated with more prayer for a family with a 5 year-old with leukemia, but the prayer was weird. Instead of praying for healing/strength/wisdom, they prayed that the family get any unconfessed sin out of their lives in order that God can work in them and their daughter. I wanted to just throw my arms around the mother, who was obviously hurt but still somehow clung to this as truth- that God was somehow passing judgment on their daughter because of their sin.

I left feeling torn between wanting to vomit, scratching my head, and thinking positively about the music. I'll just stick with the music.

Oh, and I had the wrong translation. NASB. Dang it. But the people sitting next to me were nice. They told me that they liked my cross. I will applaud their visitor outreach people; I had a voicemail on my office phone at HPUMC by the time I got there after Munger. "Hello Kristina! We're so glad you came to worship with us this morning! Please let us know if you would like more information on our church, the plan of salvation God has for your life, or why baptism is important for you and your family." I wish I could take you guys up on it, but man, I have to go write this paper on Psalm 23...