Why Lifeway should hire me to write (or at least consult on) their musicals

Anyone who grew up south of the Mason-Dixon Line knows of this humble little Christian retailer called Lifeway. There used to be one or two in every suburb but strangely, there are now only two near the Dallas/Plano area- and one of them is at a church.

But anyway, like Cokesbury (the Methodist version), they put out curriculum for just about anything church related. They also have these musicals that they publish and I have always wondered how they come up with these wacky ideas for plots/character names. I aspire to be one of those wacky-plot-people. Here is how it would go down:

Title: "Mission Under Control: Cosmic Truths About Christ!"

Place:  Mission Control at NASA (which will eventually be used to spell: Never Accept Satan's Amusements)

Time: Now, A.D.

Cast-O-Characters:

Mission Control Staff (played by 2 adults):
Dr. Ima Rightwing, Mission Control Flight Director and aerodynamics specialist
Dr. Eddy Smart, Life-Systems specialist

NASA SpaceClub Kidz (with a "z" to make them seem cooler- these are the Christian kids...z):
Macy Goodheart, the brainiac whose dream is to become the Flight Director one day
Audrey GoNicely, a fashionista California girl who strangely enough loves the SpaceClub
Trey Middleston, a level-headed, "middle of the road" kind of guy. Should be played by a tall, blonde, lean kid wearing a green polo and khakis. Don't ask. It's my vision
Elsa Saintly, she has been perfected by the love of Christ like the others

2 New Students (the non-Christians):
Tory Losten, a budding scientist who wants to work for NASA, but is skeptical of this wacky bunch
Brent Notfound, best friend of Tory who wants to be an astronaut, also skeptical

FAMOUS ASTRONAUT!!!
Buzz Flyhigh, on screen only- should be played by the senior pastor to get a good laugh from the audience... I mean, congregation...

Talking Inanimate Object:
Callie (or Carl) the Comet! Spouting cosmic truths! Oh yeah!

Choir kids: Mission Control Staff plus a few groups:
- Interpretive dancers dressed up like planets
- A small group to play reporters from the local news station
- Various soloists wearing weird hats... because we can.

Plot:
The kidz arrive for their afterschool program to the tune of a peppy number inspired by the theme from the original Star Trek. (all of the choir kids will have labcoats and clipboards)

The 2 new SpaceClub Kidz are introduced to Rightwing and Smart, who greet them and sing a song (with the choir kids). A few more songs happen each time the newbies ask questions, or when Smart or Rightwing say something profound. [Enter dancing planets somewhere here]

Brent and Tory make some stupid cynical remarks about the group, as atheists often do, but are interrupted by a transmission from Buzz Flyhigh. Houston! We have a problem!

A huge asteroid is heading for the shuttle! What are we going to do?!? This is where Rightwing and Smart talk about the importance of not giving into Satan and being afraid. Of course Tory and Brent have no idea what this means because neither of them have ever heard of this Satan guy before. So, the key changes and now we're in minor- a frantic song first, then one of melacholy when we realize that the asteroid still hasn't changed course, then a penetent one of prayer for the asteroid to move over 3 feet.

Then, the asteroid comes into view on the viewscreen! Smart says "magnify" like Captain Picard, just because, and then Callie (or Carl) the Comet makes her/his debut. Callie is chaulk-full of biblical truths (only from John 3:16 and the book of Romans) and came to this sector of the galaxy because she (or he) heard that there were two non-believers in the SpaceClub. Wow!! So, he or she sings a song about N.A.S.A (see above) and both Tory and Brent finally get it. There is a slow, moving, and over-orchestrated song in which they both kneel on the floor of the control center and accept Christ as their personal Lord and Savior.

One of the Kidz (probably Trey) says something really cheesy involving words like "cosmic" or "intergallactic," then cue the exciting "We can be friends because you are no longer bitter athiests" music. Of course, there is a reprise of the Star Trek-like theme song at the very end.

Ta-daaaaa!

Oh, and I can include choreography for a small fee of $300,000. I get paid $1 per "step-clap" and $1.50 per "jazz hands in a V."